The Midnight News 7.19.01
Posted By Hyatte on 07.19.01
Scherer ticks the WWF off, WWF The Music, TAFKAG, A Net Reporter, What's in Apter's pants?, CRZ, Ryder, Honky, and Ring Rats
Other than the big Sony Music/WWF deal, nothing else is going on.... but I pulled a few "between the crack" stories that I feel deserve a mention. Plus some fun stuff. We've got a column of substance, by God.
LIES!!! LIES, LIES AND, HALF... OH, NO.. IT'S ALL TRUE
RF Video says that the WWF is PISSED that Scherer broke the news that some wrestlers will be released unceremoniously later this week. Possibly because the wrestlers didn't know lay-offs were even coming?
In any case, it's still supposed to happen. No developmental talent is going to be canned... just a few WCW wrestlers who haven't been used yet (KWEE WEE!!!!!!!) and some WWF Curtain Jerkers (ESSA RIOS???)
HEAD REHABBING METAL
Because this idea worked so well for Bischoff, the WWF will fill their next Music CD with songs from established stars. Disturbed, Slayer, Marilyn Manson, and Limp Bizkit are some of the bigger names who gave the WWF some throw away b-sides to slap in there.
Also in the CD will be a Canadian rock band called "Our Lady Peace". They have a song that will eventually become Chris Benoit's new theme once he gets back.
People... we are just months away from seeing Master P appear on Smackdown
1wrestling, who else?
DREAM ON!!
Ending all speculation, the "Lone Star" Dustin Rhodes has looked over his many, many offers and decided to sign with his father's "Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling". He's set to debut on August 4th in Dolan, Alabama.
Dustin will also assist his father in a new Turnbuckle Office and Training facility in Florida.
From the TCW Newsletter:
"Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling (TCW) is accepting reservations for a two-day wrestling seminar available to Indy wrestlers, referees and announcers. Classes are August 11-12 and September 8-9. More dates will be announced. The course includes: television production, character creation, psychology of wrestling and much more. All trainers have WWF, WCW or ECW experience. Space is limited, so contact Susan Meeks at (770) 794-1145 to reserve your TCW Superstar spot."
Of course, I didn't get the newsletter, so I took this from 1bob
WELL, IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER
One thing this Net Wrestling Scene is famous for is that it's really nothing but wannabes knocking on those who made it. Who are we to rate the workers? We've never been in there!
Well, Blake Norton is the first "reporter" to change that.
Blake has written for and edited WOW Magazine, WOW Magazine, worked on the old Bagpipe Report newsletter, wrote for ECW Magazine, and contributed material for the WrestlingObserver.com. For a brief time, he was also one of the only good things about Wrestleline... so you know that relationship wasn't going to last.
These days, Norton does AM sportsradio in Florida and is also the press agent for Stampede Wrestling.
Now, he's going to make his in-ring debut on July 25 for Stampede Wrestling as a part of their "Jolt in July" tour that kicks off July 25 throughout Canada. He's been training under Bruce Hart for nine months, leading up to this.
His opponent is a Dungeon grad named Paul Drexler. Their backstory pulls the old "Mentor/Protege at odds" gimmick out of mothballs. Norton is the Mentor.
I hope... I pray that Norton is just doing this so he can write a book or at least a freelance assignment in Rolling Stone or something.
In other news, Norton's former Wrestleliner, Rick Scaia recently drove by a 7-11 on his way home from work, and only picked up THREE pints of Ben & Jerrys ice cream for dinner. I cannot confirm the actual flavors, but rumor has it at least two of the pints had nuts in them. Way to go Ricky!
You can check out Stampede Wrestling for more info.
WOW, WHAT A PENIS!!!
This was a throwaway Scherer piece that caught my eye.
Blockbuster Video pulled all issues of the latest WOW magazine from all it's stores. The issue in question had Regal on the cover.
It seems that WOW had an advertisement for a penis enlargement product in it's magazine. Blockbuster doesn't even allow a porn section in it's store... (God Bless Disney.... never a more fascist organization has ever prospered in America quite like it), and they are probably iffy on a magazine featuring half-naked men getting all sweaty with each other in the first place.
Why would Bill Apter be interested in penis size?
VAGUE CRZ AOL MESSAGE TO ME OF THE WEEK
I was sitting here, minding my own beezwax, clueing Widro in on my secret recipe for the ultimate good night kiss when...
"I heard Levi was talking to you."
And then he was gone...
I have no idea.
Anywhoo, time for another installment of the soon to be legendary....
SIX DEGREES OF RYDER FAKIN
Hey Hyatte,
I was sorry to read about the death of Terry "Bamm Bamm" Gordy.
Not sure if you caught this, but...
Terry Gordy was the Executioner during his run in the WWF
During the Buried Alive PPV he was one of the wrestlers to assist Mankind as the Undertaker was buried.
The Undertaker eventually evolved into a more "Satanic" persona where, among
other "occult based rituals", would strap his victim to a "symbol", which in
many people's eyes could be mistaken for a cross and the act viewed as a
"crucifixion".
Which led to the credibility crippling column entitled " RAW IS PORN"
Six degrees of Ryder Fakin
I love this kid.
BUT, PLUGS
Today, only one column went up. A brand new column from a brand new writer for 411.
His name is Art Martinez.
His column is called The Lyrical Stunt.
It's a column written as a poem.
A Rapping Writer... now 411 is officially HIP!!!
Uh, guys... you don't have to take everything I say here so LITERALLY!!
No really, he's a new voice with a new way of writing. Give the guy a chance. You might just like it.
TAKE US HOME, HONKY
You know the man, you know his site. He's got an opinion AND he's posted an e-mail from bad radio personality, Bubba The Love Sponge... here we go.
AOl Time Warner has posted huge loses for this quarter an are deeply in the red. $734 million dollars is the reported figure. Why would investors set on their asses and loose money while Hall, Nash, Flair, and a few more stooges on AOL contracts are making millions? Sounds like these investors have the same virus as Flair. You no, the one that enters your body through your ears. The only way it can get in your ears is by having your head up someone's ass.
Subj: who the f**k is running
Date: 07/10/2001 2:58:43 AM US Mountain Standard Time
From: bubbathelovesponge@clearchannel.com
To: HONKYTONKMAN@THEHONKYTONKMAN.com
hey assh*le, i am not running, my numbers are ******, or call my cell
phone its self ***-**-**39 both of these numbers are for you only and not to be posted on your site, its too bad, because hogan and i had a long discussion about you this past weekend, terry regards you as a very nice man, that helped him out early on, he and eddy roomed with you and your roommate for a few weeks in the panhandle, i made a comment about you calling out nash a month or so ago, and now that has lead to this bullsh*t, grow the f**k up, and if you want to fight me, then game on gramps, but if not, then shut up and quit tring to work me, i am not a f**king mark that will fall for your loud mouth
bubba
Anyone else surprised that a radio guy writes like an uneducated convict?
I bet he writes perfectly well, but he's a DJ, so he has to be Badass. It's pathetic.
ClearChannel... it's ALSO the company that carries that homo Mancow. Whatever happened to Mancow anyway? How come he hasn't crossed over into mainstream fame? He's been doing his act for almost ten years now... how come it hasn't happened for him yet?
Okay, let's end the show with parts 3 and 4 of the EPIC mini-series....
THE RING RAT SURVIVAL GUIDE
Check out the last two news columns if you are just finding this.
Chapter 3: Safety & Precautions
Once you are about to engage in sexual activity with a Rat, there are a few things you must take into account.
#1- Never under any circumstance kiss a Rat on the mouth
You'd be safer shoving your tongue down a public toilet. Every time you kiss a Rat, just imagine how many other men have been in there. If you are stupid enough to do so, you must gargle with antiseptic mouthwash for at least 5 minutes afterwards
#2- NEVER, NEVER , NEVER , NEVER , NEVER EAT A RAT!!!!!!
Performing oral sex on a Ring Rat is the most heinous & degrading thing a man can do. Unless you like the taste of rotten feta cheese, don't even fathom going south on these Spunk-depositories. If you choose to ignore this step, be prepared to pay the price
Chapter 4: Disposing a Ring Rat
Ok, so you've climaxed. Now what? Here is a how-to on ridding yourself of these horrible life forms. Make a quick escape. If you do not, be prepared. These rats will want to talk to you afterwards, and then bitch & moan about their lives. You will hear stuff like:
"Abortions are very difficult decisions. I feel guilty every day."
"My uncle fisted me when I was 8."
"I am so depressed. I need someone who truly loves me."
We suggest you get dressed immediately and leave the hotel room before you become a victim of this emotional crap.
Do not worry about what happens to the Rat. Do not have any feelings towards a Rat. Rats are only good for one thing.
THE DAY AFTER
After your sexual romp, you might want to do the following: Get an HIV test, just to be 100% sure. This may be a frightening experience, but it is essential.
Tomorrow, the final Chapter: The Rat's Reaction. It may be the best part.
Until tomorrow... where I may or may not be dead drunk...
This is Hyatte